“Learn to wish that everything should come to pass exactly as it does.” – Epictetus
Expectations often lead to stress either before or after an event. When we are planning an event we create certain expectations of how that event will happen and what people will do or how they will behave in relation to that event. Sometimes we create stress because we worry about whether or not people will do what we want. After an event, we sometimes create stress because we generate conflicts with those people whom we feel disappointed us by not living up to our expectations. It is not the situation itself that creates your stress, but your perception of that situation. How do your expectations impact your stress level?
I think we often have expectations of people that we fail to tell them. Somehow they are supposed to read our minds and do what we “expect” even though we never told them exactly what it is that we expected. It is important to recognize how you contribute to the situation in such an instance. We need to let go of our expectations; surrender; let it go. This does not mean you have to let go of your ambition. The trick is putting everything in place to achieve your ambition, then let go of your attachment to the outcome.
When expectations lead you to disappointment or stress take a look a those expectations. As Epictetus tells us, “Learn to wish that everything should come to pass exactly as it does.” In a Course in Miracles it says everything happens exactly as it is supposed to happen. If you replace your expectations with these teachings from Epictetus and the Course in Miracles, then you will be able to let go of those thoughts that are keeping you attached to your expectations. Are those things that were/are your expectations of other people really important? If so, you better let people know what you expect.
Sometimes the best way to have our expectations met is to tell people what it is we expect of them. If I get a new haircut, I might tell my husband to say “you look beautiful,” because that is what I want to hear. Otherwise, he might tell me something else or not say anything at all and I will be disappointed. It may be a bit of game, but why not tell people what it is we want them to say? Of course, if you want their real opinion, you had better be ready to hear the bad as well as the good.
Father’s day is coming up next week. If you are a father, do you have certain expectations of how your children will treat you on that day? If you are a son or daughter, do you have certain expectations of how your father will behave on father’s day? Or, how he will react to that gourmet meal you cooked or that great gift you gave him? Pay attention to your expectations and how you react when they are, or are not, met. Learn to let go. Surrender and know that everything is perfect just the way it is.
Namaste.